firoz jang, revisited

despite hourly interruptions by my short offspring, i’ve been thinking again about the superstar of my first chapter – firoz jang – and the challenges he and his manuscript pose for forward movement in dissertation land. teaching obligations over the summer made spending time with this chapter nearly impossible… we conversed superficially from time to time, but nothing quality. last week we began to renew our relationship, but i’m still a bit blocked as to where to take us next.

the first challenge is to describe the manuscripts in a somewhat intelligible way. then there’s his own cast of superstars – men and their horses who make up a specific world view. and finally, an explanation. who cared about these men? what significance did they hold? seeing as how i can hardly find much about them now, in my own imagination they seem a bit like lady gaga to my teenage daughter. so… this is my challenge for the week.

and then there are the children. i really wish i could meet more grad students with children. i’ve been desperately trying to balance friendships [with childless beloveds and with beloveds who are not in grad school] with the demands of the phd. but i feel that this just cannot work. the kids are the priority, then the husband, then school… which leaves friends pretty low in the time/energy department. how to explain that we cannot meet at 2 because the boy sleeps and without that sleep, our day is shot. or that evening dinners with faculty are incredibly difficult to manage with a three year old. and the 13 year old just isn’t so interested. ahh.

i’ve come to the conclusion that we just need to get on with it. in order to get through the year and finish up all that’s been left hanging… i simply cannot worry about stepping on toes. because otherwise, my own toes are sore.

i suppose this is an open apology for what does not happen in the coming year so that we really do move on. with firoz jang sorted, and zabardast khan explained, and mukhlis analyzed, and the dissertation done.