on the road again, part two
in the morning, i will get on a train and leave my family for three months. i’m terrified of being without them for so long. and there have only been two instances in the history of me when i’ve left them.
the first, i went to learn arabic in syria… in early 2002 and before i could say more than ‘my name is monica’ in a way anyone could understand. [actually, i couldn't even do that well... who knew 'moonika' translates into 'i won't f@%£ you' ?] so for the sake of my daughter’s future and my career, i left her with my parents – i cannot ever thank you enough – until i could work out being a single mom in a foreign country. once settled, we stayed for nearly three years. and the second time? in 2007, when aly was tired of traveling in countries where cars parked on the sidewalk, she ditched me for a summer with grandpa while i learned turkish… and met big george… wee george appeared the following summer. [my turkish sucks] so it is safe to say that both occasions worked out well.
but the pain of separation, of impending separation, is almost too much. this time, i’m leaving my husband and two children to fend for themselves in a village not so far from the north sea. that makes THREE beloveds. wee george’s teeth grinding and love of buzz lightyear and peppa pig and fire engines. allegra’s pre-teen angst and musicals and grace. and my amazing husband. we’ve really struggled this past year and here we are on the other side, closer than ever, and i’m leaving him with the kids? and it just dumped snow? big george will get a post all his own, along with utter gratitude and love and respect and all things good.
what will i be doing?… three days at the bodleian library in oxford to track down some wily persian horse treatises. then six days at the british library [again] to copy two persian gentlemen’s guides. [where's the arabic? that's EXACTLY what i ask myself day after day, page after page] then off to seattle for spring quarter’s african history class [and my half of 150 students] AND three months of uninterrupted dissertation writing near a library that i totally took for granted. that is, until i could no longer check out or find the books i needed. and amazon refuses to let me buy and return anymore books…
i’m scared but hopeful. i can’t even write about all of my fears because i am a little more than neurotic. and i passed control freak so long ago. and what will i do without my kids? how will i know when to eat dinner? when to go to bed? how will i organize my days? who am i without them?
that’s enough for now. when the train comes, i’ll get on. my bags are packed. my children have been kissed and snuggled and loved up so much they’re sick of me. my husband… well thankfully he doesn’t seem to tire of kisses.
off i go.
with hope.
my inspiration
